The Source: Love (v.) edition
Or, how we're going to Valentine's 💝
Recently, thanks to thought leaders like Brené Brown and Dogman, I have come to find out that love is something you do. You know, a verb, as opposed to a noun or something you can have and hold, as it were. Something you demonstrate, a practice, an actions-louder-than-words scenario.
In light of this new-to-me information, I thought I’d do a little love-as-verb Valentine’s Day edition of The Source. Maybe “doing” love compels you to buy a bunch of stuff for your beloved—all good!—but here are a few ideas that have less1 emphasis on Adding To Cart and more emphasis on Adding… To… Heart…? (Sorry.)
1. Make An Over The Top and Truly Fantastic Victorian Valentine
Long before Valentine’s Day was derided as a so-called Hallmark Holiday—a sweeping dismissal of both the holiday and card-giving as an act—a small love token, in the form of a love note or poem, given on February 14th was a pretty legitimate way to show affection. In the 1800s, with the advent of cheaper paper production and printing, creating more fanciful Valentines grew in popularity. (This is all in the V&A blog by the way, if you want to read more about it and not just a little slap-dashed snippet by yours truly. And since Vicky founded the museum, I’m pretty sure they know what they’re talk about!)
If you consider yourself to be A Samantha (not that Samantha), you may remember a certain valentine-making kit. Though I consider myself to be a Kirsten, I did have this kit and, in fact, have thought about it most Valentine’s Days since 1993. Samantha was our Victorian American Girl and this kit was both (a) extremely fun and (b) a reminder that, while the Victorians were known for having pretty over-the-top aesthetics, gifting a little homemade card encrusted in doilies is pretty chill compared to some of the stuff people get into these days.
So: First suggestion is, somehow, strangely, as if we are all Kindergarteners, to make a lil’ card! Write a poem! If it’s not-so-good, that’s even better! Love is something you do! Here are some ideas and resources for your card.
You don’t have to get Samantha’s Victoria Valentine kit, but there are several kicking around various resale sites should you feel compelled. (1, 2, 3, 4)
An excuse to collect fancy papers! Yes. I have previously shared an Etsy account that is mostly Christmas-focused, but which happens to stock really beautiful Italian floral and marbled papers, here’s the link to that. This Japanese book of European papers, out of print, appeals as well.
In addition to the V&A museum’s collection, the Met archives also hold a pretty surprising number of Valentine ephemera. Lots of inspiration, I am partial to this off-kilter, gilded sweetie.
I love fly tying stuff—all the sparkly, feathery, neon accoutrement that apparently fish cannot help themselves around. Lace is the classic, but what about dipping into the angler department of your local outdoors shop to pick up some neon green feathers? (Here’s a fun, fringy example.)
2. Do Something
If love is something you do, maybe do something on Valentine’s Day. Though I am, generally speaking, a willing participant, Jesse Kivel will attest that I am not much of an ideator when it comes to What To Do On A Date. Dinner? she says with a shrug. When I worked at a major food magazine, the senior editors called New Year’s and Valentine’s Amateur Night (magazine people sure are approachable and nice). So, we already know we’re avoiding potentially gimicky, definitely prix-fixe dinners, but… What do you do? A mom at school said she and her husband eat a gummy and go to yoga? Here is a recent not-dinner-not-drinks list that caught my attention, shared while humbly acknowledging my own personal blind spot.
3. Make A Food
What is it about an elaborate meal, made at home, just for two that feels both personal and decadent, intimate and rich?2 Maybe it’s the flurry of activity that goes into it? The time spent, between planning and executing this moment? To me, this is the big gesture, the big heart-sweller. Here are some ideas…
The Classic: Martinis + Steaks + Baked Potatoes.
A Romantic Chicken, perhaps?? (Edition ✌️, coming soon, I am told.)
Mille Feuille Nabe. Like the fussy, many-layered French pastry (translates to “thousand layers”), this donabe hot pot features layers of Napa Cabbage and pork and some other things for flair. Cozy, somewhat elaborate, big wow factor. I’m in my personal Cabbage Era, so this automatically appeals. While putting together this post, come to find out that Naoko Takei (also known as Mrs Donabe) just recently released a video making one! Here is also a Reddit thread all about it and another recipe that seemed generally really nice.
Red Sauce Italian: Spaghetti + Meatballs (or Chicken or Eggplant Parm?) + Chopped Salad + Tiramisu?!!
Oysters, raw or Rockefeller; Cioppino.
I love this recipe for Mushroom Wellington because it’s so pretty, because vegetarian mains rarely get to be showstoppers, and because it actually tastes good too! Chicory salad alongside would be really nice.
Thank goodness you don’t come to this Substack for relationship advice! That said, I think between a hearty note—with or without paper lace or neon feathers, although I recommend with—doing something out in the world that isn’t in a restaurant, and making an elaborate, thousand-layer dinner, your beloved will feel the love. Or, love the feel? Look, by now, I have tied myself into knots worrying about what part of speech “love” is at a given time.
So, people of Treehouse: Do you like/make/do Valentine’s Day? What are you planning?
All images, borrowed from the Met archive collection. 🕯️
As if I wouldn’t immediately jump for the moon dome! (LINK)
A pretty dulcimer in Brunswick. (LINK)
Excellent rocking chair, needs a little attention, outside of Austin. (LINK)
Putting these wildfire response listings up again, in case you missed them in previous iterations! (LINK)
Not none, however.
Really, though, why are my only ideas about doilies or dinner?
Samantha's Valentine's kit! Amazing memories from 1990 :) Cute ideas, thanks for sharing.
Thanks for the laughs, TH!